I Needed A Break

Lately, social media has been stressing me out and I took the liberty to take a mental health break. I really miss the days when social media was a tool to connect and stay in touch with people. When people shared what they’ve eaten, who they hung out with, what they were doing, when people shared their original thought, and not just stupid memes and political bullshit. For me, social media is definitely not the place to do that, because most people are not willing to entertain a civil discussion about a certain topic, most people just want to be right.

Social media has always been very important to me and it still is, because it is that one place where i feel that some of my friends and followers are honestly interested in my life. See, I worked very hard to get where I am and as I mentioned before, I am in a very good place. When you have a life that is good for you, when you’ve accomplished a few things that you are very proud of, you would like to share that with the people you love. Unfortunately, I don’t have that. It seems that when I left my home country, slowly but surely, my family back home lost interest in me and my own little family. Social media became my saving grace when it was still in it’s infancy. In the late 90’s I discovered chat rooms and when Mike was deployed with the military months at a time and I felt alone and lonely that’s where I found “my people”. It was different than today. We had a true connection. I met some of my friends in person and each time it was great. Today I am still in touch with a handful of them and consider them true friends.

When I look at social media now, Instagram in particular, I don’t like what I see. It’s all about numbers, followers and likes. I am so sick and tired of those stupid bots that will follow and then unfollow you just for numbers sake. I also don’t do that silly follow for follow thing on Instagram anyway. Looking at my social media, I am actually quite proud of having established interaction with the people I connected with. To me it isn’t about numbers, it will always be about connecting with fellow humans.

Then there are the ones who copy everything you do and say and I usually don’t let that get to me, but last week, shit kinda hit the fan. As every year, I have a hard time dealing with the extreme heat here in the Sonoran desert, it seems to get harder each year, which makes me not too happy. I think that might have also contributed to me getting angry and irritated over a few things on social media … I know, it’s stupid, but I did it anyway … trying to deal with my frustration didn’t help when I had to take care of two sick dogs, and on top of that I got extremely mixed messages from my mother, which is a perfectly normal thing, but it kinda pushed me over the edge.  The result of this, for the first time in at least 30 years, I had a full blown panic attack. The whole shebang, racing heart, shortness of breath, near fainting, terrified I would die. I used to get them quite often when I was young so I knew that’s all it was, but that didn’t make it less scary. I took magnesium and hawthorn extract to calm my racing heart and Kava tea to calm me down. It took a few hours, but eventually it helped.

I was so mad at myself that I let things and people get under my skin to such an extend and decided to take a break from everything to re-center and focus on the truly important people and things in my life, which I am still in the process of doing.

This week, I am taking time off. I will spend more time away from social media, I will not think about our small leather crafting business, I will spend my time thinking, feeling, writing, I will spend more time in nature and since I am not made for this heat, I might have to drive up to Mount Lemmon a few times this week.



“Windy Point”, on the way up to Summerhaven. Can’t wait to get there!





~Albert Einstein~

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