My kindness is not weakness!

What an intense couple of months I had. After my panic attack which led me to take a social media break, I, again, looked very closely at my life and relationships, the good ones and the not so good ones, the ones that are real and the ones that weren’t. I cut ties, walked away from responsibilities that weren’t really rewarding, and I decided to focus on the things, people, and communities who really matter … and how refreshing this is!

Once again I realized that some people mistake my kindness for weakness. I am consciously choosing to be a kind and compassionate person, because there are already way too many assholes walking this earth, but my kindness and compassion has limits! When I realize that someone is trying to use me for their benefit, however that may look like, I will step on the kindness-break and let them know that being kind AND having an accent, doesn’t necessarily mean that I am an idiot. Quite the contrary! I am an educated, well rounded, smart woman who really has her shit together and if you can’t see that, guess who’s the idiot??? As soon as I don’t let them order me around or I take a stand for myself, I get labeled a bitch, a bad friend, a disloyal person, etc … but how about, a strong woman, a woman who lives her own life by her own rules, not yours!

Well, I am pretty much over all of this and can’t wait to leave for vacation in a couple of weeks. Of course that will involve Mike, the dogs, Homie the RV, and Olive & Emilie our Royal Enfield motorcycles. Speaking of motorcycles, a week ago we got two, used, Yamaha Bolts and we couldn’t be more in love with our “new” bikes.

Meet Bonnie & Clyde, the Yamaha Bolts, and Mike the love of my life ❤

39608488_1988759297830415_3217736738784935936_n

Softness is not weakness.

It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel.

~Beau Taplin

I Needed A Break

Lately, social media has been stressing me out and I took the liberty to take a mental health break. I really miss the days when social media was a tool to connect and stay in touch with people. When people shared what they’ve eaten, who they hung out with, what they were doing, when people shared their original thought, and not just stupid memes and political bullshit. For me, social media is definitely not the place to do that, because most people are not willing to entertain a civil discussion about a certain topic, most people just want to be right.

Social media has always been very important to me and it still is, because it is that one place where i feel that some of my friends and followers are honestly interested in my life. See, I worked very hard to get where I am and as I mentioned before, I am in a very good place. When you have a life that is good for you, when you’ve accomplished a few things that you are very proud of, you would like to share that with the people you love. Unfortunately, I don’t have that. It seems that when I left my home country, slowly but surely, my family back home lost interest in me and my own little family. Social media became my saving grace when it was still in it’s infancy. In the late 90’s I discovered chat rooms and when Mike was deployed with the military months at a time and I felt alone and lonely that’s where I found “my people”. It was different than today. We had a true connection. I met some of my friends in person and each time it was great. Today I am still in touch with a handful of them and consider them true friends.

When I look at social media now, Instagram in particular, I don’t like what I see. It’s all about numbers, followers and likes. I am so sick and tired of those stupid bots that will follow and then unfollow you just for numbers sake. I also don’t do that silly follow for follow thing on Instagram anyway. Looking at my social media, I am actually quite proud of having established interaction with the people I connected with. To me it isn’t about numbers, it will always be about connecting with fellow humans.

Then there are the ones who copy everything you do and say and I usually don’t let that get to me, but last week, shit kinda hit the fan. As every year, I have a hard time dealing with the extreme heat here in the Sonoran desert, it seems to get harder each year, which makes me not too happy. I think that might have also contributed to me getting angry and irritated over a few things on social media … I know, it’s stupid, but I did it anyway … trying to deal with my frustration didn’t help when I had to take care of two sick dogs, and on top of that I got extremely mixed messages from my mother, which is a perfectly normal thing, but it kinda pushed me over the edge.  The result of this, for the first time in at least 30 years, I had a full blown panic attack. The whole shebang, racing heart, shortness of breath, near fainting, terrified I would die. I used to get them quite often when I was young so I knew that’s all it was, but that didn’t make it less scary. I took magnesium and hawthorn extract to calm my racing heart and Kava tea to calm me down. It took a few hours, but eventually it helped.

I was so mad at myself that I let things and people get under my skin to such an extend and decided to take a break from everything to re-center and focus on the truly important people and things in my life, which I am still in the process of doing.

This week, I am taking time off. I will spend more time away from social media, I will not think about our small leather crafting business, I will spend my time thinking, feeling, writing, I will spend more time in nature and since I am not made for this heat, I might have to drive up to Mount Lemmon a few times this week.

 

23471915_1656974874342194_800200405347126202_n

“Windy Point”, on the way up to Summerhaven. Can’t wait to get there!

 

LOOK DEEP INTO NATURE

AND THEN

YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING BETTER

~Albert Einstein~

Healing Through Motorcycling

Today, I will literally talk to you. This is my first attempt on Vlogging, totally unscripted and also the wrong picture format. Next time, it’ll be better … I promise!

Watch it till the end, hear my secret and please comment, like, and follow.

Until a woman can receive herself,

she will unconsciously force others to reject her,

despite the fact that her most conscious desire

is to be loved

~Marion Woodman~

Why I feel the need to blog

I was just asked, why I need a blog on top of all my other social media.

Well, my social media is about our motorcycles, about my husband Mike’s and my travels, and our business making leather goods. there isn’t really anything just about me and how I arrived where I am in my life. I am also not sure, if Facebook or Instagram is the right platform for original thought, honesty and authenticity.

I am in a very good place. As a matter of fact, I’ve never felt better. It was quite the process to arrive at that place of accepting and loving myself, treating myself well, and realizing that life will be exactly what we make it to be. I learned how to turn off all that outside noise and really hear and listen to my own voice, telling me my own truth.

I used to journal and all of it landed in a drawer. It has always been quite therapeutic to jot down my thoughts and stories and I no longer want them stowed away somewhere. If they can inspire, help, or provoke some thought, even just for one person that’s good enough!

So there you have it that’s why I created this blog.

33234782_10215622385223518_4500182512735092736_n

This photo was taken while we were riding in the Gila Box Wilderness, near Safford, AZ. One way how I can hear my own voice loud and clear, riding in remote places, removed from all the chaos that comes with our daily life.